I am doing something quite serious.
Now thats my usual reply.
" but, but, what if I show you?
What If I show you how they follow the moon, how their beautiful....."
"Blahblah blah Where?", I have never heard of sunflowers following the moon.
I never had the time to watch my sunflower farm. I only knew about the count of tallies they added with oil and pulp. I only counted the mass of fertilizers added. Not more.
"You show me that and only then I ltalk to you again. Agreed?" I continued.
I thought she should stop. Stop her talk and apologize.
The child in her longed to talk to me and how cruel I was to misuse it: misuse it to keep her mouth shut!
" Yeeeeeeees, I will show you!", " Show you tonight, You come with me to our sunflower farm?"
She was swearing and I was in doubt. Was she not lying?
Were she lying or not, little mattered. I liked the idea of going to the farm tonight. I liked the idea of taking a break from my damn stuck time tables. That should help me revive myself.
Afterall who bothers if the sunflower actually followed the moon.
It would not affect me; So why bother. I had no time for arguements.
"Okay, Sis Okay. So leave me free now and I will join you at the farm tonight."
A quick peck on my cheek and a little hug. Perhaps, I seldom longed for that gift. Still she never forgot to gift that to me at the end of a childish talk.
She was too younger to me.
I was tired over the afternoon. Lot of tallying, lot of writing, lot of mailing. Wooh... I took off my spectacles and wiped my eyes. I was in need of a break.
I put on my spectacles and scribbled on my timetable allowing myself some free time tonight.
Flops..... My daily life looked like programmed robots.
Reminders ring every half hour, reminding me to wake, reminding me to eat, to bathe, to put on clothes, to talk........Nonsense.
Nonsense that my generation imbibes the profession that we forget to live as happy youth. Perhaps I was envious of my sis for that; She was happy.
She called me in the evening.
"Hullo, How many times have I told you not to call me over the phone except if its too important.
You know that I have important calls to attend and I would be missing that."
She seemed to ignore my anger. Rather she seemed to be used to it.
" Brother I was only reminding you. I am already at the farm watching the sunflowers,...."
" I didnt forget."
peep... She put down the reciever. Still I could hear her, " You dont love me, do you?"
Do you ? Dont they ? Will it?....She ended her assertions to me always thus.
It seemed she wanted confirmations from me. It seemed she believed me.
I took a quick glimpse of the twilight. Looks nice.
The reminder beeped: "18:45- to the farm". But there was no need of one. I had remembered.
And I remembered the first time I saw my sis. How dad had adopted the little princess from a farmer who had committed suicide and how she grew with my parents and how much my parents liked her.
The farm was a ten minute drive from home.The suspensions of my car gave a creak upon the uneven farm road. But this time I enjoyed it. It was a nice sound. Not noise.
The crickets had already started their job. They dont require reminders anyway.The sound was nice too. Night was active in the farm. I loved my noiceproof cabin at the office. But it seemed that I enjoyed 'noises' here.
Ramu, Mani, Shiv and Unni were enjoying themselves before the barn.They worked in the farm. It was cold and had a bonfire lit up. They could enjoy with what they worked for in the day. They would sleep drunk and happy. No tensions. No cholestrol. No stress. No diabetes. Good.
I left my car there and passed a quick smile. They probably had not expected me here.
Dad and mom were on the lawn. They were laughing. Yelling.
Dad probably cracked some joke. They watched me walk up to them.
" Dinner is ready at the hall.Englishman feels like having it now? Or do you have reminders for that too?", That was dad.
No Reminders.
" We can have it now. What if the chickens on the table feel hungry and have the food themselves?" I tried to be funny.
"Okay"
" But where is my sister. She had called me here today."
"She is in, arranging the table for you." " She loves you a lot", mom added.
"Um, She argues with me a lot amma, Dont leave her to me on weekdays. It disturbs."
"Then to whom else do you expect her to talk and play?"-dad added.
He was right perhaps.I gave no answer.
"Hi bro, so you love me." Sis came running
down the hallway.
She held her little finger on to my giant palm.
" Why?"
"Because, you came. So you love me."
" I came here to confirm what you said. You told me that Sunflowers follow the Moon. I wanted to see that. "
Mom gave a chuckle and dad laughed.
So there was something wrong.
" And I knew you were trying to fool me", I quickly added to save my nose.
She gave a smile.
Dinner was fine. Presumptuous. At least its long time since I had a dinner with them; parents and sis.
My sis occupied my lap for mom's special desert and I watched her posting the creamy pastry on my costly jacket.
"Bluck..whats it sis; Where are your manners?": I shouted. Pluck........ she creamed my face of the pastry for that.
"So you think your jacket is more worth than me? Cant you wash it off?
Why do you always get angry with me?"
She jumped off my lap to dad's for security. There was thunderous laughter. I silently went to the wash. Arguing and shouting was no purpose.
Nonsense......
She was right. The matter was simple. Why did I shout?
But....but was there a clown at the mirror. Pink cream upon the nose and white all else. Beautiful.
I am handsome. I tried a few expressions with my nose and teeth and tongue. It was nice to laugh at myself. I chuckled; She made me happy; I felt my heart laughing;not my mouth as I do at the office.
Somebody was peeping through the door. Somebody was watching me laugh. Somebody who made me laugh. Somebody who taught me that I could be happy. My little sister was a teacher.
"Come here..."
There was a tear in my eyes.
I saw her face drear. She was quite dear.
And I was a liar.
That night was different.
She loved bedtime stories.
I told her one this time. How pigs got wings and why the mother of the forest took it away, when he messed the skies up and and and......
"Are you asleep?"
zoooooooooo.......uuzzzzzzzzzzz
"Good." I gave her a peck and fixed her blanket. It was cold.
I had a question, before I left her room.
"So brother, does the sunflower follow the moon?"
I had a difficult answer.
"I love you sis and that is all ye need to know now"
"Good night"
"Good night"
But I had questions and answers for myself.
The farm was beautiful in the moonlight. I had lot of time to think and its nice to think in the cold air.
I crossed the lotus pond to the sunflower farm.
I couldn't miss the little lotus open eyed watching the fullmoon. She was so beautiful. Just like my sister.
There was a perspective in me I spoke over in meetings.
That the most beautiful things in the world were purposeless like the lillies and the peacocks.
Like smiles on faces. Like the golden petals of the sunflower.
I couldn't find a way to exploit them PROFITABLY.
PROFITABLY. A portraited vision.
But then here is my sister in the landscape. She taught me to exploit them.
PROFITABLY.
Profit that is landscaed.
Eternal Happiness in the being.
And still on cold fullmoon nights here at the farm, I try to find out, for profit, for profit alone:
"The Sunflowers
follow
the moon too.
Dont they sister?"
in life that happen to me do so because I deserve them, help me understand that what makes me to seek out Your truth is the same force that moved the saints, and the doubts I have are the same doubts that the saints had, and my frailties are the same frailties.
